The Moon in Full Bloom

I saw the moon today. . . in broad daylight. One of my favorite phenomenons of all times, I basked in the knowing that our Divine Essences are much like the moon. A lot of the time you can only see it in certain instances - when the sky is dark, right before dusk, right as the sun is rising - but there are so many times when you can also see it in the middle of the day. The key is to look.
I watched a dirty man with no shoes, a ridiculously long, grey beared, and plastic grocery bags in each hand walk across a crosswalk today. I could feel his deepest heart's yearning, the yearning that lives at the heart of all beings, to give and receive love; to have others know him as he really is - a Divine Spark of the Creator's intelligence. I could feel him. I could also feel the treachorous, bumpy, and long road he has traveled in this life so far. But in my heart, in that moment, the latter was far less of a feeling and impact than that deep longing that was radiating from his heart. I wondered if any other unknown observer had felt that same thing from him. I wondered if he was an angel crossing my path to remind me of what all humans are at their deepest core. I wondered if he had any inkling of my silent but sincere blessing aimed directly for his heart center.
We are all here. We are all human (well, most of us). We are all heartcore at the very deepest level. Where is the need for cursing an unknown driver? What purpose does it serve to send anger to the voice on the other end of a telemarketer call? Why is it important to make sure someone knows how much they have pissed you off in some way? Why do I see these things on such a regular basis?
I know that these answers will never come. What I do know is that I see the counterpart of these situations all around me. I see a genuine smile signaling that it's okay for me to enter traffic. I hear someone tell me that they understand my plight and will do everything in their power to assist me with it. I watch strangers exchange hello's on the street. These small but heart-sparking acts of kindness are the seeds of shifts that occur every day. I am not alone when I say that I know this to be true. And by me simply being the witness to these things, I am also assisting the shift that is happening in the heartiest place inside - the heart center. It was proven somewhere that a person who committed an act of kindness had an increase in their seratonin levels. In addition to that, the receiver of that act of kindness also showed a raise in the seratonin levels. Not only that. . . a witness to this act of kindness also showed increases in seratonin levels! How amazing is that!?? Do we want to cure depression? Do we want to affect everyone around us? Do we want to wake up the planet, ourselves, and establish the long-desired truth that is always available but rarely acknowledged? We are a part of one another. We are all the same. We are on this planet, together, right now, for a reason. Whatever anyone decides that is, really doesn't matter. What we decide to do with it will determine what evolutionary path we decide to take.
We're here. . . now, together. What are you gonna do about it?

Whoa now!

Is it possible to walk through your fears and look back only to catch them completely disseminating? I've created a situation that I haven't been in for quite some time. . . and now I know why. To be faced with the possibility that another human could come into my world, know me at least as intimately as I know myself, appreciate it, and cradle me in the most fortified quilt of love, kindness, acceptance, and honor absolutely freaks me out.
Being so clear and being in such a situation makes me realize that in the past I have told myself such good stories about why I don't couple with other humans, that I am a master deceiver! I had no idea how much fear I harbor in this area. It's a moment to moment thing of course because to encounter the fears any other way would make them much too unbearable. Do most humans walk around in this state? Or are they like my former self - pretending to be open and sharing of themselves, only through a filter to monitor what comes in and goes out? No holds barred here now though. I absolutely commit to being open, honest, and uncensored because then no matter what happens, at least I can say that I did that.
I can't remember ever being so stricken with such levels of fear! I am amazed! I think I may be addicted to this process though, strangely enough. I love the heightened emotions and adrenaline rush when I approach the fear, look it in the eye, and move through it anyway. I love coming out on the other side and looking back to see what a fallacy it was. I love feeling fuller, more loving, and an all-around larger version of who I really am.
I don't think this world is meant to live in safely. I don't think pain is supposed to be avoided. I don't think that our comfort zone is necessary. I'm here to say that a safe, pain-free, comfort zone is a mere ghost of what being alive is. THIS is life. This moment when I look at what I am scared of more than any other thing and do it anyway. This feeling of having almost lost my consciousness due the overwhelming fright of open, honest affection. This opportunity of allowing myself to fully open in order to invite someone in, with no attachments.
The best part about all of this is that fact that the outcome doesn't matter. It never matters. The only thing that matters is that any human, in any situation can stay completely present and do, express, be what they feel no matter what the mind or fear say. This is the perfect beauty, precious gift, and elegant juicyness of existing, here, in this body. . . NOW.

Can Love be too Infinite?

This journey that I've decided to embark on to open my heart has been absolutely fear-filled! I had no idea how much my actions were governed by fear until I made the conscious decision to live with an open heart. . . no matter what. After all, this is my natural state of being and the deepest desire of every being on this planet, so this is also one of the most impactful things I can do for not only myself but also the world.
Though this is accompanied by the obvious fears of being hurt, taken advantage of, and any invasive, abusive act happening through that heart space, I have recently watched other fears arise that are quite unexpected. The biggest one being my ability to fall in love with every human I meet. I have experienced this frequently enough to know that it is possible but rarely enough to think that it can only occur in a heightened state and that a portion of it is not real. . . based on the lack of residue. What I see now is that this is the way a heart-opened world would look. And the reason why the residual effects are not noticeable, is because every time it happens it scares me on such a level that I close down more intensely than before.
Isn't this my nature? Isn't this my blissful right? To unconditionally be in love with every human I meet. . . this is the effect of eternal compassion. This is the place that all of the great ancients occupied and spread throughout every interaction, word, and thought that they ever exuded. And here I sit. . . scared to death that this happens to me. I feel almost like this has been my absolute purpose and deepest desire for millenia and that this space, my inner space, is now conducive to support this phenomenon.
So today I will decidedly propagate these internal, natural rhythms of loving ecstacy, walk through my fears, and come out on the other side infinitely loving, radiating, and thoroughly basking in this experience of falling in love with everyone I meet.

Incoming~

I have been asking and asking and here it all comes at once-the people/jobs I want to work with, the education tailored specifically for me, the uncovering of all avenues leading straight to health, and a balance of my existence in the world and other people's demands. But the Universe is amazingly comical because they have all been thrown at me in the past week much like an ocean wave, not harmful if trickling in but it can literally knock the life right out of you if its big enough.
So now I stand in this place and come to an acceptance of every decision I have made before now and my current state as a result. It is both illuminating and desolate. . .
I have been putting off writing my five year plan, a suggestion made by a friend who has come into my world as part of a guidance system I called out for. This night is the absolute perfect time, at a point where all of these things I have been asking for aren't fully developed but on the verge of infinite possiblities on every level.
Why is it that common belief holds that things must change and develop gradually? Isn't it a matter of our emotional readiness? Isn't time an illusion anyway? Why do we call for slow movement so often?
So this night I retire with uncertainty lingering all around me like a dense fog that even when moved through, immediately returns to reclaim its space. I will find that quiet and centered space within myself and commune with the future me in order to develp this five year plan. Tomorrow I will take care of everything else; I will wait for the light to address the not-quite-tidy ends of this life quilt I have been working so diligently on. I ask that my plug be fully connected and all alpha/beta cords be very well in tact. . . on this night the wakeless download is most essential.

Bring it on~

My friend, high vibrational peer, and Qigong instructor set the challenge before me to practice Qigong for 100 consecutive days. I heard the acceptance of the challenge come out of my mouth before I could even think about. My after-thought was, "What are you thinking?! Are you really up for that right now?" But the damage was done and now I have set forth on this path that I can feel is going to completely shift my relationship with myself.
In the meantime, I am struggling a bit with adapting to the default world after existing in a magical space where the fact that anything is possible and light infinitely radiates at any given moment is the norm. Although I missed LA (I can drive aggressively, though kindly, and not be an Asshole) being back in my life has been a series of ups and downs. I left questioning my everything and came back to exactly that. I haven't been in a smooth flow since I've been back. That may be something to do with the fact that we have just ended and begun a 260-day cycle. That happened on Sat./Sun. Sunday morning I left a friend's birthday party right as it was getting light. Since I never drink coffee and I drank it that morning (just to offset the 3 beers and two doughnut holes I consumed, oh my! I was reckless that night!) I bypassed my house and drove to PCH. For no reason at all, I continued to drive up the coast and drink two more cups of coffee (I was out of control that night/day!) I did some healing and realized that I hadn't released everything that occurred for me this last year. I realized the loss of three close relationships, for varied reasons, to people that mean alot to me. Inside I know that means that space is open for other amazing souls who's journeys on this life road are more paralleled to mine but that didn't ease the pain that I was carrying around. I allowed that to come through, almost overtaking me at times, but I felt so light afterward. I cried for those losses. I cried for the planet. I cried for the friends I left at the party that have absolutely beautiful souls but not an ounce of direction. I cried for my addictions. I cried for the collective dis-ease of humanity. I cried for the hopelessness that keeps coming up in my world. And when all of these tears had flown and my gas tank was empty (literally and figuratively), I was ready to sleep. Somewhere inside of all of that, I had a clear picture of all of the clutter that occupies my space. Its senseless, disharmonizing, and easy to change. That is the mission I am on now. As I clear this clutter, I will also be fulfilling this 100-day Qigong challenge and clearing away the spaces in myself and my body that have not been visited in a very long time (or ever) that carry stagnancy as well. A clearing. . . this year of Divine Self-Love is calling for a clearing and yearning for space to be available where I may cultivate this thing that will be a life-long relationship of acknowledging and feeding what my highest self most passionately desires.

Lessons

What an amazing, insight-filled, and outrageous journey! So many lessons, so many unexpected occurences, and so many brilliant surprises taking place every second. I truly experienced how ultimately we really do create our own reality. I am the main player in my story and I know that I create everything that happens in my space at every second.
It was a disappointment that one of my closest and dearest friends chose other things this year, rather than gallavanting with our family to the desolate desert. It was a challenge for me to comprehend as it was an indirect choice and one that I still can't understand. But my own deeper lesson came out of this. I have been such a solo wanderer, vagabond, and experiencer that I now acknowledge my desire for fellow fringe-dwellers to walk alongside me on this journey of life on a more consistent basis. I, for the first time in my life, crave and know that there is a significant one yearning for me to discover a place that we may merge and walk together because our passion for walking the path of the Divine is so amazingly congruent. I feel it, I know it, It Is.
I am now ready to make space for people to visit my inner terrain more often and stay awhile. I allow people to accompany me during times that I may usually and sternly request to be alone. I know that although it is sometimes more work to work with people, the benefits are absolutely worthwhile and more than I can comprehend at this time. I give up my addiction to control and open myself to sporadic moments of clarity with other people. I am inviting ones that resonate with me and hold their own aspirations high and outright so as to attract people like myself.
I love this Universe! I love being human! I love everything about all the energies that surround me and allow me to express exactly what I am in any given moment. I am most honored to be on this planet, be a part of this story, and stand clearly in my power and knowingness that this is one magnificent and extraordinarily beautiful journey~

And So It Is

My annual sabbatical begins today. By the time I arrive back home three weeks from now, I will be a completely different human. My yearly theme has also presented itself: Divine Self-Love. I realized the other day that I have questioned my deservingness of someone amazing. This brought me to the question of why this might be. Well, no answers lie in that field so I then began to ask myself, "What would make me feel more worthy?" And so this journey begins with undulations of self-acknowledgement, self-gratitude, and self-appreciation. It makes so much sense that this focus would offset the imbalance that existst in my life where serving people is concerned. This thing: having the ability to serve others in many ways is markedly the greatest gift I was bestowed in this life time and simultaneously the biggest burden I will carry. I've known this thing for most of my life, though it hasn't been acknowledged for what it is until most recently. I feel like cultivating a reservoir of self-love will balance the ever-shifting life scales that my Libranness so desperately desires to maintain balanced.
I have an inkling that many things are in store for me on this journey, on many levels. For as it appears right now, self-love is a discovery of self, self-acceptance, and self-rejuvination. How could an excursion colored so beautifully be one so rarely taken? I am here to find out. I know that it won't be all above ground for the Shadow Self is very much alive here and has been rearing its head as of recent.
Whatever my journey looks like, I embrace it 100%, love every minute of it, and throw myself right in the middle of it, roll around, rub it in, and come out on the other side a more loving, deep, colorful, grounded, and well-rounded human for I designed this journey and this is what I choose NOW~

The Living Prophecy

We are literally prophesying ourselves awake. Our cells are alive and listening to everything we say to them and are as receptive as the quality of the substances that we put into them. Everything around us, though seemingly dense, really harbors more space in between the molecules than the actual molecules themselves. Nothing in our world is concrete or fixed. Everything is always changing, or waiting to change. We are so powerful that we might amaze ourselves if we allowed space for our natural tendencies to spring forth and change reality right before our eyes.
I experienced this so fully this last week. I decided that the blockages in my solar plexus and throat areas were going to be released right now and that the only reason why my healing had to be a process was if I made that decision. So I chose healing NOW. It was uncomfortable, indeed. But it was quick and it left me insanely inspiring messages along the way. Not only that but because of the physical discomfort I was forced to eliminate all unessentials from my diet/lifestyle and focus solely on the potent nutrients and goodness available. My physical vehicle has never felt so clear and alive. I have literally re-trained my cells to desire breathe instead of sugar or coffee, or any other life-force-limiting activity that I was previously distracted by.
But this party isn't completely happy and fluffy. A lot of sludge is coming up. It's like that oh-so-common metaphor of pouring the water in the glass that is half full of mud so when you pour it in, the mud is aroused and pushed all around but if you continue to pour water, the glass will eventually be clear, pure water. And so this the narrative of my world right now. All of my inner grungies are rearing their heads and I love them for being keen enough to want to be dealt with by this cleansing process but wow. . . sometimes I want to tell the whole world to go away, leave me alone for about two months, and when they come back, don't ask me to do anything, be anywhere, or acquiesce to any expectations ever again! Thank you for coming into my world. . . leave your demand at the door~

Our Mission

It was revealed that a fellow Moontribe family member took his own life this weekend. How ever did I miss the sorrow inside of this one? He was one of infinite smiles, real and heartcore hugs, and someone who always seemed to be there. The deepest part of me knows he chose not to be here for this time. It is an intense shift at this time on the planet and not all humans are ready or willing to participate from this plane. I know he is assisting in his own way from another frequency of existence and yet I can't seem to shake this sorrow today. I don't watch TV, subjugate myself to the media, or read propaganda. What I am is witness to what the average human life consists of. How is this planet ever going to heal if we are all walking around unconscious and controlled by our addictions? As I fight my own addictions on this day, I'm asking for Universal Assistance to process this sadness that rests inside me today, give it back to the earth so she can transmutate it, and contribute to the healing process of The Mama, the human race, and the Universe in general. On this day that is what I can do. I will continue to know that I am a LightWorker and I came here for a purpose. Thank you humans, non-physical energies, and All That Is. It is a blessing to be here at this time.

Universal Significance

"Not everyone can or will do that-give his specific fears and desires a chance to be of universal significance. One must believe that private dilemmas are, if deeply examined, universal, and so, if expressed, have a human value beyond the private, and one must also believe in the vehicle for expressing them, in the talent."

May Sarton feels this way and I can see why. But since we are all connected, if my innards are expressed here does that mean that others will benefit without even reading? My knowing is that any thought, feeling, or insight that I may have will benefit all humans, just as their's benefits me but whether that is conscious or unconscious I'm sure depends on the level of ingestion.
So I will write and if some random soul happens to stumble onto this page, I will be just as greatful as if noone ever reads this for I am writing to the ethers and the ethers are eternally receiving.