While growing up I believed whole heartedly in realms beyond this one and in the power of Love. I knew without a doubt that all that I felt was true and I was fearless in my ability to reach out, take chances, be crazy, and Love without limits.
Many things in the last couple of days have brought my attention to the fact that I may have misplaced that space within me recently. The mind can be a powerful thing and 'reality' is preached from so many different areas these days that one can never really know what that means. In Lance Armstrong's book, It's Not About the Bike, Lance describes the moment when his chances looked the meakest and how most of the doctors, although willing to help, seemed anything but optimistic. He conveys his ability to hope, believe, and dream of a time where he beats cancer and survives everything that looks undoable in front of him. This was all he had to hold on to and the sole thing that kept him going. This is only one of the many prods from my present reality that is urging me to reconnect to that place where my deep desires are possible.
A movie I watched recently, Special, also showed me that I still have that place inside of me even if it hasn't been visited for a minute. Our minds are really the only thing creating our reality every day. What we choose to hold as 'reality' is ultimately up to us. I am everything I decide I am but not because I'm choosing that out of an infinite number of possibilities but because I know in my heart that is the truth.
My world doesn't seem cut and dried anymore and there is so much to focus on and so much to get lost in, it's important to keep a general direction in mind. I recently resurrected a few desires that have fallen asleep in the last year and maybe that is where I will start.
I have thrived on witnessing transformation, in myself and others. I live for this and it touches me in ways even connecting with other humans doesn't quite get to. I have let this passion wander away and meanwhile I am floundering around wondering what my reasons for all of it are. It makes so much sense. Once I pluck this particular desire from my dusty closet and set it back on my mantle to appreciate, embrace, and move closer to everyday my reasons will magically appear.
Writing .... I have also allowed that desire to go on hiatus. I see it slither around corners and under the fence post in my courtyard. Occassionally I can catch it and we have a moment but then once again it is off on it's own slithery journey. Someday that desire will live inside and maybe even sleep next to me once in awhile ....
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