Whoa now!

Is it possible to walk through your fears and look back only to catch them completely disseminating? I've created a situation that I haven't been in for quite some time. . . and now I know why. To be faced with the possibility that another human could come into my world, know me at least as intimately as I know myself, appreciate it, and cradle me in the most fortified quilt of love, kindness, acceptance, and honor absolutely freaks me out.
Being so clear and being in such a situation makes me realize that in the past I have told myself such good stories about why I don't couple with other humans, that I am a master deceiver! I had no idea how much fear I harbor in this area. It's a moment to moment thing of course because to encounter the fears any other way would make them much too unbearable. Do most humans walk around in this state? Or are they like my former self - pretending to be open and sharing of themselves, only through a filter to monitor what comes in and goes out? No holds barred here now though. I absolutely commit to being open, honest, and uncensored because then no matter what happens, at least I can say that I did that.
I can't remember ever being so stricken with such levels of fear! I am amazed! I think I may be addicted to this process though, strangely enough. I love the heightened emotions and adrenaline rush when I approach the fear, look it in the eye, and move through it anyway. I love coming out on the other side and looking back to see what a fallacy it was. I love feeling fuller, more loving, and an all-around larger version of who I really am.
I don't think this world is meant to live in safely. I don't think pain is supposed to be avoided. I don't think that our comfort zone is necessary. I'm here to say that a safe, pain-free, comfort zone is a mere ghost of what being alive is. THIS is life. This moment when I look at what I am scared of more than any other thing and do it anyway. This feeling of having almost lost my consciousness due the overwhelming fright of open, honest affection. This opportunity of allowing myself to fully open in order to invite someone in, with no attachments.
The best part about all of this is that fact that the outcome doesn't matter. It never matters. The only thing that matters is that any human, in any situation can stay completely present and do, express, be what they feel no matter what the mind or fear say. This is the perfect beauty, precious gift, and elegant juicyness of existing, here, in this body. . . NOW.