Fearless

I have always been called crazy, free-spirited, out-of-the-box.

I have never hesitated to begin something new, leave something that I've outgrown, or choose something different.  

Once again I am at a transition.  Many things are coming to an end, physically and energetically.  And I am sitting alone with myself, even more than normal, and really being with where I am.  I'm looking at what's changed since the last time I was at a place such as this, a fork in the road with infinite choices and possiblities .... stopping to take a rest and decide which path I really want to experience.  This place of limbo, no-thingness and eveything-ness, a portal of any and all possibilities and realities laying before me, is waiting patiently for me to take the first step on the next adventure.

This in betweenness can be highly uncomfortable sometimes, especially when so many emotional cycles hidden in my inner self are also coming to end.  It's a complete reorganization of priorities, releasing of ideas of who I thought I was, and acceptance of all of Who I Really Am .... it's like losing myself, only to find me again.  It feels like something I've done before .... on a smaller scale.

But I must enjoy these insane times of transistions on multiple planes because I create them often.  And sometimes I like to create them to be bumpy and chaotic and unsure ... probably because that can be more exciting.  But even as I acknowledge my love of crazy change and adventure, I am learning that sometimes the more corageous choice is the one where no movement happens.  Being brave can look a lot like being still.  Not all movement promotes the most growth.  I'm learning this and the fact that surrendering to the flow might be more in alignment with my next highest good than making sudden and drastic changes.

My wishes

I wish the random people who smile at me throughout my day knew how much of an impact their small gesture has on me.

I wish that I could find a man who resembles all three of my brothers, parts of my fathers, and many of my male friends.

I wish my current employer could know that I recognize her need for tenderness and know that I forgive and accept the only way she knows how to deal with people leaving.

I wish the spanish speaking people of the AA meeting that takes place most nights I drive home from work knew how inspired I was by the sight of their committment in a room.

I wish my brother knew the reason I am so strict with him is because I Love him.

I wish all my people could see themselves as I see them.

I wish I could release every one of my fears NOW as easily as I release people that no longer serve my highest good.

I wish that I had enough courage to tell the men I have been with how much they have all healed me.

I wish that my wish list was more than a list ....