I have been asking and asking and here it all comes at once-the people/jobs I want to work with, the education tailored specifically for me, the uncovering of all avenues leading straight to health, and a balance of my existence in the world and other people's demands. But the Universe is amazingly comical because they have all been thrown at me in the past week much like an ocean wave, not harmful if trickling in but it can literally knock the life right out of you if its big enough.
So now I stand in this place and come to an acceptance of every decision I have made before now and my current state as a result. It is both illuminating and desolate. . .
I have been putting off writing my five year plan, a suggestion made by a friend who has come into my world as part of a guidance system I called out for. This night is the absolute perfect time, at a point where all of these things I have been asking for aren't fully developed but on the verge of infinite possiblities on every level.
Why is it that common belief holds that things must change and develop gradually? Isn't it a matter of our emotional readiness? Isn't time an illusion anyway? Why do we call for slow movement so often?
So this night I retire with uncertainty lingering all around me like a dense fog that even when moved through, immediately returns to reclaim its space. I will find that quiet and centered space within myself and commune with the future me in order to develp this five year plan. Tomorrow I will take care of everything else; I will wait for the light to address the not-quite-tidy ends of this life quilt I have been working so diligently on. I ask that my plug be fully connected and all alpha/beta cords be very well in tact. . . on this night the wakeless download is most essential.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Bring it on~
My friend, high vibrational peer, and Qigong instructor set the challenge before me to practice Qigong for 100 consecutive days. I heard the acceptance of the challenge come out of my mouth before I could even think about. My after-thought was, "What are you thinking?! Are you really up for that right now?" But the damage was done and now I have set forth on this path that I can feel is going to completely shift my relationship with myself.
In the meantime, I am struggling a bit with adapting to the default world after existing in a magical space where the fact that anything is possible and light infinitely radiates at any given moment is the norm. Although I missed LA (I can drive aggressively, though kindly, and not be an Asshole) being back in my life has been a series of ups and downs. I left questioning my everything and came back to exactly that. I haven't been in a smooth flow since I've been back. That may be something to do with the fact that we have just ended and begun a 260-day cycle. That happened on Sat./Sun. Sunday morning I left a friend's birthday party right as it was getting light. Since I never drink coffee and I drank it that morning (just to offset the 3 beers and two doughnut holes I consumed, oh my! I was reckless that night!) I bypassed my house and drove to PCH. For no reason at all, I continued to drive up the coast and drink two more cups of coffee (I was out of control that night/day!) I did some healing and realized that I hadn't released everything that occurred for me this last year. I realized the loss of three close relationships, for varied reasons, to people that mean alot to me. Inside I know that means that space is open for other amazing souls who's journeys on this life road are more paralleled to mine but that didn't ease the pain that I was carrying around. I allowed that to come through, almost overtaking me at times, but I felt so light afterward. I cried for those losses. I cried for the planet. I cried for the friends I left at the party that have absolutely beautiful souls but not an ounce of direction. I cried for my addictions. I cried for the collective dis-ease of humanity. I cried for the hopelessness that keeps coming up in my world. And when all of these tears had flown and my gas tank was empty (literally and figuratively), I was ready to sleep. Somewhere inside of all of that, I had a clear picture of all of the clutter that occupies my space. Its senseless, disharmonizing, and easy to change. That is the mission I am on now. As I clear this clutter, I will also be fulfilling this 100-day Qigong challenge and clearing away the spaces in myself and my body that have not been visited in a very long time (or ever) that carry stagnancy as well. A clearing. . . this year of Divine Self-Love is calling for a clearing and yearning for space to be available where I may cultivate this thing that will be a life-long relationship of acknowledging and feeding what my highest self most passionately desires.
In the meantime, I am struggling a bit with adapting to the default world after existing in a magical space where the fact that anything is possible and light infinitely radiates at any given moment is the norm. Although I missed LA (I can drive aggressively, though kindly, and not be an Asshole) being back in my life has been a series of ups and downs. I left questioning my everything and came back to exactly that. I haven't been in a smooth flow since I've been back. That may be something to do with the fact that we have just ended and begun a 260-day cycle. That happened on Sat./Sun. Sunday morning I left a friend's birthday party right as it was getting light. Since I never drink coffee and I drank it that morning (just to offset the 3 beers and two doughnut holes I consumed, oh my! I was reckless that night!) I bypassed my house and drove to PCH. For no reason at all, I continued to drive up the coast and drink two more cups of coffee (I was out of control that night/day!) I did some healing and realized that I hadn't released everything that occurred for me this last year. I realized the loss of three close relationships, for varied reasons, to people that mean alot to me. Inside I know that means that space is open for other amazing souls who's journeys on this life road are more paralleled to mine but that didn't ease the pain that I was carrying around. I allowed that to come through, almost overtaking me at times, but I felt so light afterward. I cried for those losses. I cried for the planet. I cried for the friends I left at the party that have absolutely beautiful souls but not an ounce of direction. I cried for my addictions. I cried for the collective dis-ease of humanity. I cried for the hopelessness that keeps coming up in my world. And when all of these tears had flown and my gas tank was empty (literally and figuratively), I was ready to sleep. Somewhere inside of all of that, I had a clear picture of all of the clutter that occupies my space. Its senseless, disharmonizing, and easy to change. That is the mission I am on now. As I clear this clutter, I will also be fulfilling this 100-day Qigong challenge and clearing away the spaces in myself and my body that have not been visited in a very long time (or ever) that carry stagnancy as well. A clearing. . . this year of Divine Self-Love is calling for a clearing and yearning for space to be available where I may cultivate this thing that will be a life-long relationship of acknowledging and feeding what my highest self most passionately desires.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Lessons
What an amazing, insight-filled, and outrageous journey! So many lessons, so many unexpected occurences, and so many brilliant surprises taking place every second. I truly experienced how ultimately we really do create our own reality. I am the main player in my story and I know that I create everything that happens in my space at every second.
It was a disappointment that one of my closest and dearest friends chose other things this year, rather than gallavanting with our family to the desolate desert. It was a challenge for me to comprehend as it was an indirect choice and one that I still can't understand. But my own deeper lesson came out of this. I have been such a solo wanderer, vagabond, and experiencer that I now acknowledge my desire for fellow fringe-dwellers to walk alongside me on this journey of life on a more consistent basis. I, for the first time in my life, crave and know that there is a significant one yearning for me to discover a place that we may merge and walk together because our passion for walking the path of the Divine is so amazingly congruent. I feel it, I know it, It Is.
I am now ready to make space for people to visit my inner terrain more often and stay awhile. I allow people to accompany me during times that I may usually and sternly request to be alone. I know that although it is sometimes more work to work with people, the benefits are absolutely worthwhile and more than I can comprehend at this time. I give up my addiction to control and open myself to sporadic moments of clarity with other people. I am inviting ones that resonate with me and hold their own aspirations high and outright so as to attract people like myself.
I love this Universe! I love being human! I love everything about all the energies that surround me and allow me to express exactly what I am in any given moment. I am most honored to be on this planet, be a part of this story, and stand clearly in my power and knowingness that this is one magnificent and extraordinarily beautiful journey~
It was a disappointment that one of my closest and dearest friends chose other things this year, rather than gallavanting with our family to the desolate desert. It was a challenge for me to comprehend as it was an indirect choice and one that I still can't understand. But my own deeper lesson came out of this. I have been such a solo wanderer, vagabond, and experiencer that I now acknowledge my desire for fellow fringe-dwellers to walk alongside me on this journey of life on a more consistent basis. I, for the first time in my life, crave and know that there is a significant one yearning for me to discover a place that we may merge and walk together because our passion for walking the path of the Divine is so amazingly congruent. I feel it, I know it, It Is.
I am now ready to make space for people to visit my inner terrain more often and stay awhile. I allow people to accompany me during times that I may usually and sternly request to be alone. I know that although it is sometimes more work to work with people, the benefits are absolutely worthwhile and more than I can comprehend at this time. I give up my addiction to control and open myself to sporadic moments of clarity with other people. I am inviting ones that resonate with me and hold their own aspirations high and outright so as to attract people like myself.
I love this Universe! I love being human! I love everything about all the energies that surround me and allow me to express exactly what I am in any given moment. I am most honored to be on this planet, be a part of this story, and stand clearly in my power and knowingness that this is one magnificent and extraordinarily beautiful journey~
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